Single & Stuck // Relationship Goals Reloaded (Part 10) – Rich Wilkerson Jr. – Transformation Church

Rich Wilkerson’s Introduction

• Rich is pumped to be in Tulsa, OK
• Grateful and honored for how God continues to use this ministry/church
• Rich is from Miami, FL and he pastors VOUS Church (VOUS is short for rendezvous, which is the “meeting place” where people could connect but also encounter God)
• Rich is thankful for his friends Pastor Mike and Natalie, two of the finest leaders in the world
• He loves Mikes talent, gifting, and anointing, but more importantly, his character
• Mike is a faithful friend and he and Natalie have both deposited a lot into VOUS Church
• Mike’s win felt like Rich’s win – that’s the beauty of relationships
• The devil is afraid of a united church
• The book “Relationship Goals” is full of revelation and is powerful in the application for your relationships. Mike is so vulnerable in this book and because he shares from his pain, his pain brings us healing
• Alignment is more important than assignment – what you’re doing doesn’t matter nearly as much as who you’re doing it with
• “We” are best-selling authors
• Rich will have an opportunity to give a message to all the single people

Get “Relationship Goals” the book and study guide today for additional support:

The quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships. We’re all learning to grow.

Jesus came and established a healthy vertical relationship with us to God. He reconciled and forgave us, and that’s what the cross is.

However, Jesus didn’t just come to Earth to get us to heaven. Jesus came to earth to help us thrive here.

The cross is also horizontal. When Jesus died, he was also dying so that we could establish and restore healthy horizontal relationships with one another in addition to the vertical relationship with God.

Message Title: Single & Stuck

Today you will be set free.

Have you ever felt stuck? Have you ever actually been stuck?

DawnCheré and Rich have been married for 13 years. He met her when he was 17. When he saw her, he named and claimed her, “I pick you”.

Illustration: DawnCheré and Rich went to Bible College together in a southern city known as Cleveland, Tennessee. When they were there, Rich used to drive a jeep wrangler. At the time, some guys asked Rich if he had ever been mudding. Mudding is driving your four wheel truck or car into a remote area through trails and mud. When Rich tried to go through a deep muddy trench, he got stuck. The car just wouldn’t move forward. The guys came together and decided they would pull Rich out. They pulled out an extension cord. [Side note: This is a reminder to also be mindful of who you surround yourself with. You may have problems because you have stupid friends. You become the most similar to those who you hang out with.]  They put the cord on the two cars, then it broke instantly. The only way to get unstuck is to have something stronger/greater pulling the thing that’s stuck.

It’s not about perfection, it’s about progression. You need something bigger than a partner to pull you out of this season.

You need a God given purpose. You need something stronger to pull you from the place where you feel like you’re stuck.

The Bible over and over again gives us the promises of the Lord. It tells us the future. In order to receive God’s promises, it requires faith.

When things are difficult, you have to lean on the promises of God, not just learn them. They are strong, they don’t break, and they can pull you of the rut that you’re in.

You can get a purpose so big that it can pull you from the place that you feel like you’re stuck in.

Proverbs 29:18 King James Version (KJV)

18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.

So many people can create a vision for their business, for their life, and for their bank account. Yet, so many people never create a vision for the relational life.

The starting point for everybody who’s single and feels like they’re stuck, is that it starts with a vision. It starts with a promise. It starts with a purpose to pull you into the next season God is leading you into.

Vision gives pain purpose. When you have vision, you can tolerate where you are. You might not be where you want to be, but you can be thankful that you’re not where you used to be.

The only thing worse than being sick of being single, is to be sick of being married. Single people don’t realize that many married people want to be single. The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass is green where you water it.

Step into something new because of Jesus.

Three simple things you can do is as follows. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Here are three things you can start doing today if you feel like you’re single and lacking purpose:

• 1. Focus On You

When you are single, all eyes on you.

Healthy Relationships are Made Up of Healthy Individuals

You focus on you because you can only fix you.

The first problem in the Bible was solitude, not sin.

God gave Adam responsibility (to name all the animals). Then He said it’s not good for man to be alone.

Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.

Ladies are not less than men. Women and men are supposed to walk together as collaborators. Do not discount your value. Get a vision for what God wants to do on the inside of you. Let confidence come from the spirit of God.

You have to see yourself as a person of value. What are you going to bring to the relationship. What are you becoming?

Who you’re with can either be your greatest asset or your greatest liability. They’re either pushing you towards purpose or they’re pulling you back towards apathy. There is not a category in Rich’s life that his wife has not helped him in. She has pushed him forward, spoken to his potential, and has been his helper. Rich is grateful for them walking together.

If you’re single and just want to be married, and you feel stuck, before you just let something try to pull you out that’s broken, or try to go to another broken relationship, or go to your computer and look at images that give you instant gratification, but end up hurting your soul in the long run – think of these actions like an extension cord that just keeps breaking on you.

They look like they’ll work, but it just keeps breaking on you. It’s because it’s not strong enough to get you out of that place. You need something bigger. You need a vision; you need a purpose.

Let’s get a vision of what it looks like to be a godly wife/husband.

Ephesians 5:22-25 New International Version (NIV)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

This is what it looks like to be in a healthy relationship/marriage.

Instead of focusing on your spouse, focus on yourself. Are you a man worth submitting to? If you can’t lead yourself, how can you expect someone to follow you? There are a lot of guys who want authority but don’t want to match it with taking responsibility. Anybody can bring a child into this world. It takes a real, responsible man to father that child. Are you worth submitting to?

Submission is not a slave to a master. It’s more like a team to a coach. Before you complain about submitting, know that men have the harder task, of having to die for you. You will need to be a woman who is worth dying for.

Don’t focus on what your spouse is doing/not doing. Be a woman who is worth dying for, who forgives, who is loyal, who is not shady, but trustworthy in the valley, not just the mountaintop, but there when there is no prosperity. You might be single, but you won’t stay stuck much longer because you’re going to focus on you.

Being single is awesome. You have to find the gold in whatever season you’re in. When you’re single, your money is all yours. Your food order is all for you. There are benefits to every season you find yourself in. In all of them, you can focus on you and get a purpose to your life.

Today, you can commit to focus on yourself.

• 2. Be The Minority

Be the minority because the majority is overcrowded.

This is important because at Transformation Church, we’re not just preaching to you “self-help”, or “positive thinking”, or “mind over matter”. This isn’t mind over matter. This is faith over unbelief. This is all done through the power of Jesus.

As we meet Jesus, he loves us just the way that we are, but he loves us too much to let us stay the way that we are. When following Jesus, holiness does not become a work of our flesh, but rather it’s a work of His grace.

The more we fall in love with Jesus, the more He transforms us into his image. His image is pure and blameless and no matter what season you find yourself in, all of us can work on our purity.

A lot of times in church, we say things like, “stay a virgin, be a virgin, take more cold showers”. The message is so much deeper than virginity. The message is about purity. Purity starts from within.

Many of us are being counseled by the culture and doing whatever society tell us.

You have to know your worth. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made. You are sculpted and created by the world’s greatest artist. You have been designed with a spiritual, supernatural DNA. I know the plans that God has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Stop talking down to yourself, minimizing yourself, lowering your value, lowering your standards, looking like the world, and conforming to the patterns of this world.

Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind, then you can test and prove what God’s will is. Transformation starts with a new thought, a revelation, and healthy thinking.

Healthy thinking involves being able to think, “I don’t look like the crowd. I’ve been called out of the crowd. I don’t look like the world. I’m called to follow Jesus.”

If you feel stuck, aim to be the minority, the majority is overcrowded.  

When you know your worth, you’ll stop giving people discounts. There will always be somebody who doesn’t know your worth. Don’t let it be you. The word says:

Proverbs 18:22 New King James Version (NKJV)

22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.

The word find is a verb; it’s an action.

Women are not less than men. Women and men are just different. Our differences should be celebrated and unite us. It’s the man’s responsibility to go and find the girl. How will he find a woman if she looks like every other woman on Instagram?

You may feel hidden because you’re designed to be discovered.

Proverbs 31:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

Our need for security and to be desired causes relationships to get complicated and we miss out on the promise of God when men play the roles of women and vice versa.

Don’t try to play God with your life. Make that man work. Make him walk over to you, call you,  sweat, and do his job. You can’t continue to give away for free what one man should have to work for.

Not factoring in the Bible, or morality, or ethics – just speaking from an economics standpoint, demand increases when supply decreases.

You don’t have to project yourself all over Instagram to stand out. Instead, you’ll stand out for all the wrong reasons.

As a married couple, you should start testifying to younger people/women.

You don’t want to find yourself 10 or 20 years down the road feeling resentment for your man because he won’t lead you or step up. You’ll end up resenting him because you’ve been doing his job from the beginning.

If a man didn’t have to work to get you, he won’t work to keep you.

Also, if you don’t date your spouse, don’t be surprised if someone else does. The chase/pursuit keeps it interesting and produces the passion.

Every day you can continue discovering more about your bride. It’s the discovery that leads us into the destiny.

Woman of God, be the minority. If you keep fishing with your body, don’t be surprised when you catch body snatchers.

Man of God, who are you becoming? Are you valuing yourself? Do you look just like the culture or are you actually a man worth submitting to? Everything when it comes to relationships and sex, do you just see it as a physical act?

If you would just stop for a moment and consider sex and sexuality, you’ll know it’s more than just a physical act.

For some of you men, something happened to you when you were younger. Someone did something inappropriate and you’ve never been told anybody. It was an act; it was a quick moment. Yet sexuality was involved, and now what has it done? It produced shame and you’re hiding something. Now because you’re sick on the inside, what happens is that hurt people, hurt people. You’ll always be as sick as your secrets. Could you get a revelation today?

You’re not called to look like the majority. You’re called to be the minority. You’re a king’s kid, a child of God.

Married people, it’s a grave mistake to invite other people into your bedroom. It’s not logical to think that if you give your spouse a new appetite, that it will create a greater desire for you.

As a married couple, declare that, “No, we don’t look like the world. We’re trusting God. He has given us a vision.”

When you have a vision, you then have guardrails/boundaries for your life. The boundaries aren’t there to make life boring. The boundaries are there to protect, prosper, and allow you to walk into health with all God has for you.

Declare that:

• I’m a part of the minority.
• I don’t look like culture.
• I look different from culture.
• I’m not conforming to the patterns of this world
• I’m not going date like the world dates.
• I’m not just going to look for short-term satisfaction.
• I want something deeper.
• I want something better.

• 3. Break Up

You might not have a person to break up with, but maybe you have a mindset you need to break up with.  

You might not have a person to break up with, but maybe you have a perspective you need to break up with. Maybe resentment, failure, or your past.

If you don’t break up with certain things, they’ll break you down.

Single people, we have to break up with fairytales.

Illustration: Rich and DawnCheré were married for 8 years and went on a journey of infertility. God who does the impossible, takes impossible things and makes them possible. He’s the God who doesn’t meet expectations, He exceeds expectations. Despite 8 years of infertility, two years ago, they gave birth to their first son (Wyatt Wesley Wilkerson). Then last October, to their second son (Wild Wesley Wilkerson). Rich has seen the whole Disney vault because of his son Wyatt. In the Disney movies, there’s always a struggle, then they finally get together, then it ends and they live happily ever after.

If you’re single and you’re stuck, you need to break up with fairy tales or fairy tales are going to break you down. Happily ever after is not a destination, it’s a journey.

Break up with fairytales or they will break you down.

Many of us subconsciously view relationships through the lens of fairytales. This could be due to not having healthy marriages/relationships in front of us when we were growing up. You may have seen your dad leave, a mom who was an addict, someone who abused you, verbally abusive couples, couples that ridiculed each other, etc. Whatever you watched is what you learned.

For these reasons, many of us never got a vision in our homes. Then we got a vision, not from God’s Word, but from Disney. Now, because what we watched is what we learned, we start to think every relationship should look like Aladdin and Jasmine. You’re living vicariously through Simba and Nala; they’re Lions – you’re a human.

We get fairytale visions in our mind. Fairy tales are always the story same story, i.e., there’s a princess in distress who needs to be rescued.

You’re trying to date/marry someone who needs to be rescued. You don’t marry the person who needs to be saved. You marry the person standing on their two feet.

Jesus Christ will give you security, not your spouse. Break up with fairytales or they will break you down.

You pick your spouse based on patterns, not potential.

Look at their track record. Look at the pattern of their life.

Some people right now are making excuses for people because you’re lonely. You feel like you’re in a rut, you feel like your life is not progressing, and you’re picking, and you’re reaching out to people that you think are going to get you out of that place. Those people are not strong enough. They’re not in a place of where you need to go and you’re choosing them and making excuses because you have the wrong vision in your mind.

You have to get your confidence back. It’s not your job to save them. That’s Jesus’ job. He is the only one who can save us.

Another thing about fairytales is that they look at the outside and have caused us to judge people from the outside. “How do they look?”

Sometimes we put way too much stock on the outside and not on the inside. We’re all aging and we’re all fighting gravity. Nobody will look the same 20 years after you marry them. Don’t just seek tall, dark, and handsome – seek characteristics like trustworthy, determined, and honest.

Break up with fairytales or fairytales will break you down.

The only thing worse than being ‘sick of being single’ is to be ‘sick of being married’.

Choose wisely and bring the best version of yourself.

You don’t have to waste this season, you’re becoming, you’re developing. You’re more attractive today than you were yesterday.

Focus on you and be the minority. You stand out by walking in your Christ identity, not looking like culture.

Also, break up with what you need to break up with. It could be a perspective, resentment, or failure.

Forgive yourself today.

We look at the Holy Spirit because the way that you overcome, and the way that you move forward, is not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, says the Lord.

The Holy Spirit doesn’t make ‘me better than you’ the Holy Spirit makes ‘me better than me’. Without the spirit and power, we’ll just struggle and stay stuck.

When we get the Holy Spirit with God’s promise, we get the Father in heaven. We get Jesus interceding to the Father. When we get the Holy Spirit on earth, before we know it we’re attached to something bigger. Then you can find a bigger purpose. We can get a bigger vision, and although the mud is strong, and although sin has had us bound, the psalmist said that he lifted me up out of the muck and the mire and he placed my feet on a solid rock and he put a new song in my mouth.

Get a new song: “I’m not single and stuck. I’m single and secure. I’m single and saved. I’m single and purposed. I’m single and living by design. I’m single and I’m ready for whatever God has for me.”

If you want a Proverbs 31 woman, you will need to learn how to be a Proverbs 1-30 man.

Many of us have daddy issues and look for father figures in men or in relationships. Earthly relationships could never take the place of that father.

Be encouraged from wherever you are, that just because you didn’t have an earthly dad doesn’t for one second neglect the fact that you have always had a Heavenly Father who has declared life over you. A Heavenly Father that loves you, that sees you, that believes in you, and you are a child of God.

When the world says, “how do you how do you do that?” “How do you know who you are?” Put your shoulders back and proudly say that “my Daddy told me”, “my Dad told me”.

The waiting season doesn’t have to be a wasted season. God has something for you right now. Focus on you. Be the minority. Break up.

It’s silly to talk about earthly relationships if we don’t talk about the first relationship. Until you get that in order, your whole life’s going to be out of order.

John 3:16 New King James Version (NKJV)

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

God did not send his son in the world to condemn the world but to save the world. We’re not the Savior, He is. He’s not mad at you, He’s madly in love with you and has a plan for you. He is in heaven and is the heavenly father that when you turn towards him, he runs towards you. He sees you today and he invites you into relationship with him.

When you get that relationship right, the other ones will start to fall into place.

Altar Call: If that’s you and if you want to surrender life to Jesus, would you just be bold right now? Say, “I’ve decided, I’ve made a decision. I’ve changed my mind. My life is about to transform. I got a new thought. I got a promise. I got a vision. I got a picture. I’m moving towards something.” Change your mind today.

Let’s Pray Together: Jesus, today I surrender, I give you my entire life, forgive me of all my sin, past, present, even future mistakes. I give them to you. I believe you are who you said that you are. Today I surrender my life over to you. I want to follow you. I receive your love father. In Jesus name, Amen.

• Text ‘Saved’ to 918-992-7623 for resources and content to help you.

Get “Relationship Goals” the book and study guide today for additional support:

Latest Arrivals in Merch

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Our fulfillment times will be longer than usual, and may continue to increase until things get back to normal. The entire industry is grappling with challenges and we’re seeing delays in our supply chain, including distributors and shipping carriers.

We’re closely communicating with our partners to make sure they can supply us with adequate stock levels from their distributed network of wholesalers.

Fulfillment Estimate:

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SUMMARY NOTES

1. Focus On You
2. Be The Minority
3. Break Up

Link to full Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkCUDiSZfDM

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