Forgive You // How To Forgive Yourself? – F.U. – Forgiveness University (Part 5) – Michael Todd – Transformation Church

Mike Todd’s Introduction

• Getting stronger always comes with resistance
• We’re still here – you’re stronger after one of the hardest years ever
• We’re going to end this year strong
• We choose to have and exercise our faith
• At the end of the year, you’re invited to give in our crazy faith offering – faith always needs to be challenged – we’re going to be ones to trust God in every situation – December 6^th. You can just pray and see what God will tell you and if He’d like to give you something
• Almost 6 years later, TC is multiethnic, multigenerational, and multiplying – and might be a multi campus church soon
• God told Mike that his first act as TC Pastor was to tell the people that we needed to raise 80k for cameras in crazy faith. Mike thought they’d boo him, cuss him, and leave the church. Some people did do these things, but the people who stayed raised 80k for people to watch TC now from all over the world. Those people sowed in crazy faith.
• The next thing God told Mike was to document that TC would be in the Spirit Bank Convention Center. Then people sowed in crazy faith again, and we had a 3 day window, and because of the generosity and crazy faith of people, we were able to pay and put the down payment on this building.
• Last year, many of us participated in the crazy faith offering. It allowed us to pay off the entire building in 5 months – we’re debt free because of the faithfulness
• That allows us to send checks and afford opportunities to make a difference when there’s crisis in the land. We’re able to help single mothers, help stop trafficking, etc.
• On December 6^th, we’re going to give from all over this world. It’s not a real gift until there’s some sacrifice in it. We’re inviting you to an opportunity to not just get for the holidays, but to give and to bless people
• 2 Corinthians 9:7-8 New Living Translation (NLT) – 7 You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” 8 And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.
• Don’t give reluctantly or under compulsion – God loves a cheerful giver
• Giving is the key to your break through. Everything in the kingdom is reversed. When you need, you give. When you hate, you love.
• As for me and my house, we’re going to stay in the attitude of generosity
• On December 6^th, as we give in crazy faith, we thank you Father God that you are the God of working miracles. We surrender our hearts and thank you for allowing people to see Your hand in their lives

You’ve made it to the halfway point of this series.

• It’s time to apply what you’ve learned
• We have set a foundation in the last 4 weeks
• Forgiveness is a primary spiritual discipline of every Christ follower
• Do not claim to be Christian if you cannot forgive
• You can’t hold everybody accountable for everything they’ve done to you

Forgiveness:

The intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance.

God wants you to be free.

Proverbs 4:7 New King James Version (NKJV)

7 Wisdom is the principal thing;

Therefore get wisdom.

And in all your getting, get understanding.

Today, we’ll start with the applied knowledge.

Today, the understanding should be strong enough for us to apply what we’ve learned and walk in wisdom. We can forgive someone now.

Who are you going to forgive today? Friend, coworker, spouse, pastor? Who are you going to forgive today? None of them. You’re going to F.U. Forgive, You.

Forgive the one who was there, who sent the text, who made the inner vow, who missed the opportunity from the timeline. Today, F.U. – Forgive You.

When you still feel trapped after forgiving others, you may have not forgiven yourself.

Message Title: Forgive ‘You’

1. Selfish Forgiveness is the First Step to Selfless Forgiveness

Mark 8:36 New King James Version (NKJV)

36 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?

Isn’t this where the battle happens? In your mind, will, and emotions.

“Why did you do that?” “You sound so…”

We can be our biggest critics.

Don’t forgive everybody else and forget you.

Forgiveness is the key.

It doesn’t take anybody else to do this work. You have the key.

Before you act out based on others, you can forgive yourself. You have the key. You can forgive yourself for your role in the offense. E.g. going to the school, letting your kids spend the night at someone’s house, marrying that person, texting back, etc.

Many of us get external healings, but still have internal failures.

You have the key. Forgive yourself. You don’t need your husband, kids, anybody to do this.

Even though this hand is free, this hand still bears the scars. You still have the key.

You’re worth being forgiven.

It doesn’t matter if more handcuffs come, if the offense reoccurs, you can control forgiving yourself. You have the key.

Forgive ‘you’ first.

Anecdote: When Mike and Natalie were high school sweethearts at 14/15 years old. They were in a relationship on the road to get married. Mike cheated on her and sacrificed everything that was good for a moment of pleasure that robbed everything for years to come. When Mike got by himself, he remembers getting dressed in the dark and not wanting to see what he caused himself. This week, look yourself in the mirror or in your selfie camera and say, “I forgive you”. Say, “[Your Name], I forgive you.”

Turn it on you. Forgive yourself for answering that call, for forfeiting what God had for you in that season, and for your actions.

You know that some things you did weren’t an accident. Today, “I am forgiving you. I am taking back what the enemy has used as a pawn to keep you in prison.”

If you’re in a marriage that’s horrible – “I forgive you”

If you’re the one causing abuse to someone else – “I forgive you”

Have to see yourself differently than I’ve seen myself before; if I can get it right with me, then I can get it right with them.

By being selfish enough to say, “I need to forgive me”, humbles you when you get to think about who you really are at the heart level, without God. When you think about the manipulation, hurt, or offensive things you’ve said or did on purpose – it makes you humbled.

You can’t forgive anyone else in pride.

For everything you’ve done and still be forgiven by God, it humbles you.

When you forgive ‘you’, and are reminded of everything you’ve done, then ‘Self’ is ‘Less Than’ (<).

Self is < Getting an Apology

Self is < What People Will Think

Self is < Revenge

Pride allows ‘Self’ to be ‘Greater Than’. The only way to forgive yourself is to put yourself lower and humble yourself.

1 Peter 5:6-7 New Living Translation (NLT)

6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

People may know Mike for his relationship now, but it started in humility. We’re looking to be relationship goals, but God wants us to humble ourselves. Face what has happened, take ownership, humble yourself and start forgiving you.

2. Forgiving You Produces Humility, and Humility is Required to Forgive Anyone Else

To actually look at what you have done and not be prideful and put it on them tells us who can stay in this class.

Psalm 138:6 GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

6 Even though the Lord is high above, he sees humble people close up, and he recognizes arrogant people from a distance.

He still recognizes you but he’s further away.

If you need God’s help, you need to be humble. If not, you’re trying to get assistance from a distance.

This is how many people live their Christian life. They want salvation but don’t actually want to walk in regeneration. They don’t want to have sanctification. They don’t want to walk in this way. So instead, they say, “I’m saved, but God I need your help.” God says, “but the sin in your life, the people you keep accusing – you’re not putting me close, you’re putting me at a distance.

To forgive, we don’t need assistance from a distance. We need God to be close to us.

Humility produces closeness with God.

Some of you don’t even want to accept this word and it’s what you need right now to get off of everybody else externally and forgive you.

Mark 12:30-31 New Living Translation (NLT)

30 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-6 New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Love forgives. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices in the truth.

Forgive yourself for the inner vow you made, e.g. to be married by a certain age

Forgive yourself for the personal promise you broke, e.g. to be a virgin

Forgive yourself for the predetermined deadlines you created, e.g. for a business or finances

Forgive yourself for the people you manipulated.

Forgive yourself for being immature. Some of your immaturity had negative, adult consequences.

Forgive yourself for the neglect. Some of you were bad parents.

Forgive yourself for the thing you said about your family member.

Forgive yourself for the thoughts of jealousy that pushed you away from people that God called to you.

Forgive yourself for the flagrant fouls. When Mike cheated on Pastor Natalie, those things were not accidents. Nobody made him get in the car at that time of night to get to the gas station. Nobody made Mike ignore the phone call when God sent someone to stop a situation.

Then you try to get it right with them, and them, and them – but still haven’t forgiven yourself.

Mike walked around for almost a decade holding himself accountable without realizing he had the key to get out.

3. To forgive ‘U’, you must:

Face U

Get a mirror on what is going on. Our spiritual mirror is the word of God. You can’t hide that you’re in pride or walking in sexual temptation when you read the word of God.

If you don’t face you, everyone else sees you.

They see you’re bitter, that you have spite, and that you actually hate your parents. When you open the word of God, you see who you are.

When you face yourself, i.e. get in the word of God, you can hear what you need to work on.

James 1:23-24 New King James Version (NKJV)

23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.

If you face you, then God can fix you.

By His word, God will allow you to see exactly the spot where it is.

Until you Face U, God can’t fix you.

Own U

Take responsibility.

Own the 5%, even if it’s 95% their fault.

It doesn’t matter if they never recognize how they damaged you; God cares that you are healed.

Galatians 6:3-6 New International Version (NIV)

3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load. 6 Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

Learn to carry your own load.

As a Pastor, Mike says, “this is where I messed up.”

You have to get low and own it.

They may have to own their part, but you have to own your own load.

God will not call you and your offender up and judge you. It’s just you.

On Earth, will you have faced yourself and owned your own load?

Remind U

After you face you, see all of the ugly, and then own yourself – then remind yourself of who God called you to be.

You’re not what you did, you’re who He says you are.

That’s why the word of God is so important in your life. Failure is an event, it is not a person.

You may have failed at something, that marriage, that college, your team, your kids – but you’re not a failure. It’s an event, not a person.

Guilt is feeling bad for what you did, shame is feeling bad for who you are.

Jesus died for both guilt and shame.

As you start on the journey of forgiving you, you’ll remember all of these things, but remind yourself that according to God, you are a child of God, you are worthy, you are chosen, you are called, God has a plan for you. When you forgive you, God still chooses you.

It wasn’t that long ago that Pastor Mike was a really bad person. You may have said, don’t date him, don’t hang with him, don’t like him. When Mike remembered who God said he was, he could move past who he saw he was.

God created you so there is good in you, because He is good. You may have not had a good season or chapter but the best days are right in front of you. Remind yourself that before you were in your mother’s womb, He knew you and had plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. We bind suicide in the name of Jesus. This is just a chapter. Turn the page.

Where you’ve been is not what God has for you. This is temporary. Turn the page.

God came to remind you today that this is not the end.

Face U, Own U, Remind U, and then Grieve U.

Grieve U

Grieve the you that you thought you were going to be, the family you thought you would have, the career you thought you would have – grieve it; feel it. Take a moment and say this sucks. You may have not expected that one moment of a mistake to turn into 10 years of counseling. It sucks when you’re faithful but your wife doesn’t trust you. It sucks to be honoring someone and they think you’re trying to steal the spotlight. You can grieve it.

The Bible dedicates an entire chapter to lamenting, i.e. grieving. It’s called Lamentations. It’s songs of sorrow. Think of Crossroads by Bone Thugs and Harmony.

The Holy Spirit is okay with grieving be a part of your process.

Grieve the body size you thought you were going to be. You wanted kids, not rolls. Grieve it, feel it, but don’t stay there. Acknowledge it, but don’t stay there. The enemy tries to get you to stay in grief.

Insulate U

Bring some people around you; get in community.

When Mike is falling apart, God puts people around you that can actually insulate you.

If you don’t have insulation around you, you can fall apart and damage yourself more.

He calls you to insulate yourself.

Thank you Lord for sending people around us. Thank you for putting people with different walks of life around us. For putting people who may not be family around us to insulate us.

This week, Mike was crying like a baby in a place of insulation. Mike wants to give every man permission. This lie from the enemy to hold it together came from an insecure man, not from God. Mike had to look at his staff and say, “I need you. I need you to help pull me up.” You need the insulation of people who can walk with you. The only person who can invite them in is you.

You need to go to people and say, “I need you to walk with me.” “I need you to be able to call me, or I need to call you whenever I’m in temptation.”

The process happens over and over. Insulate yourself and don’t be hardened by facing, owning, and reminding yourself of who you are.

What does it profit a man or woman to gain the whole world and lose your own, mind, will and emotions because you didn’t forgive you?

Mike has to be insulated and then also provide others with insulation.

When one falls, we’ll be there to pick each other up.

Jesus’ disciples fell asleep when Jesus needed them. Even though they weren’t perfect, it was still purpose to have people around them.

Value U

You’re worth it.

You taking this time and holding space for you to be able to do this process is worth whatever you lose.

It’s worth not getting likes, not going to the ball game, worth your husband or wife making time.

You can’t live full when you’re leaking. Forgive you. Value you.

For many of you to walk through the healing you need, you need a counselor. You need a therapist. You need a Christian counselor to help you unpack your baggage.

You may have learned how to cope with it.

It’s worth paying someone. Less vacations, more freedom. Less IG pictures, more identity. Less flexing, and more forgiveness.

Mike and Natalie have been in intensive counseling for the season they’re walking in for the last 2 years.

Mike’s therapist is expensive. Julianne is a part of their family. She has helped them forgive themselves and unpack all the trauma. It’s worth it. Value you more than a new plastic surgery, haircut, or trend that’ll be out in 6 months.

Value the only thing you’re going to live with for the rest of your life – You.

You’re worth it.

Romans 8:16-17 New Living Translation (NLT)

16 For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. 17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

Mike’s kids know who they are cause they value that Mike has affirmed them in private. They have confidence in public because of affirmation in private. God says, you’re my child. We are His Heirs. That’s generational blessing. We get to walk in the same benefit despite not seeing the person. We’re the heirs of God’s glory. If we share in His glory of being forgiven, we must also share in the suffering of being able to extend forgiveness.

Embrace U

Embrace yourself right where you are right now.

“This is who I am today – I have anxiety attacks, I’m jealous, I’m money hungry, I’m jealous of my friend’s relationship, I act like I read the Bible but I’m intimidated by the word of God, I still dabble in pornography, I love my family but don’t like them, I’m very unsure of my purpose, I thought we’d be further by now, I thought we’d be in a house by now…” You can embrace this moment despite what you thought. Embrace where you’re at, and right from this place of pain, you can forgive ‘you’.

This week, make space. Some of you need to get off of social media this week. For 2 hours every day, go through this process and embrace it.

It took 30 years to be this messed up and you won’t give God 30 days to change it?

What are we going to do? How are we going to move? What is our response? F.U. – I’m going to forgive you.

Say to yourself, I’m going to face u, own u, remind u, grieve u, insulate u, value u, and embrace u.

Value yourself enough so that in the middle of success, you can honor God and honor his word.

You’re not defined by what other people think of you, you’re defined by who God says you are. Even if it’s only one inch a year, a week, a month, embrace it where you’re at right now.

Forgiveness starts with forgiving ourselves.

Prayer: By your spirit father, we can walk through this process of forgiving ourselves. We pray for freedom to unlock ourselves from flagrant situations and childhood wounds. God we’re praying for Godly people to insulate us. God thank you for allowing us to look in the mirror and face ourselves. Make us over again Lord.   

Lord make me over (repeat x 3)

Make me over again (repeat x 4)

Altar Call: If you want to ask Christ into your life, this journey of trying to be free is the best time to ask for it. He is the Paraclete, the one who comes alongside us to help us. He is a gentleman and he stands at the door and knocks. This was a divine setup for you to receive salvation. If you want to receive that, according to Romans 10:9, all you need to do is believe and confess that Jesus died for you. God will help you change the things that don’t line up with the word. Salvation is available to you right now. You can belong here before you behave. It’s progression, not perfection. If you’re saying you want to start receiving the forgiveness already provided through Jesus Christ. 1. You’re making the greatest decision you’ve ever made. 2. You are the one that God has been coming after and we’re proud of you. 3. Just lift that hand up right there. God sees you. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a room by yourself or with your family. You can put your hand down. Transformation church is a family so we pray together.

Let’s Pray Together: Father God, thank you for forgiving me. Today, I give you my life, I ask you to come in. I believe you lived and you died, just for me. Change me, renew me, transform me, I’m yours. In Jesus name, Amen.

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SUMMARY NOTES

1. Selfish Forgiveness is the First Step to Selfless Forgiveness
2. Forgiving You Produces Humility, and Humility is Required to Forgive Anyone Else
3. To forgive ‘U’, you must:
4. Face U
5. Own U
6. Remind U
7. Grieve U
8. Insulate U
9. Value U
10. Embrace U

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